Lonesomeness :( (I know that's not actually a word haha)

Hey guys, listening to this song right now (the Winnie the Pooh "Wherever You Are" song): Going to try not to make this blog too depressing but, truth is, I'm feeling really lonely now I'm at uni, losing old friends now I'm not at school and failing to make new friends. So I'm going to talk about it, cause I'm missing deep chats with my friends, so I'll have to have a one-sided one with the internet instead haha. So yeah, never thought I'd miss school, but I am lost without it.. Cause it was there that I got to see all (or most of) my friends, five days a week, nowadays I hardly ever see them, I simply don't have time, and to tell you the truth, it makes me cry myself to sleep some nights cause I miss them that much, that security, that feeling of acceptance, where nobody judged me, and everyone just accepted me as the weirdo that I am. I mean, I wasn't popular at school, nowhere near, but I had a really close group of friends, the best friends I could ever wish for. People accepted me, had the same sense of humour, the same interests, were nerdy like me.. They were like my soulmates (you still are guys, don't worry - apologies for the cheesiness). But so far at uni, I've only one person (and her friend) who seem at all like me.. They're lovely, they both like Harry Potter and we have a laugh at stupid jokes. I was texting her tonight, in fact, which made me feel a bit better. Apart from that, though, I thought I was making headway in terms of making friends, but apparently I was mistaken. You see, last Tuesday we had a lecture in a different building from usual, about a 15 minute walk away and, afterwards, my friend who I've know for four years and is at uni with me, just left, taking all but one of our (though apparently actually not my) friends away with her, and sat in a different place for lunch so we couldn't even find them.. This sort of ditching has now become a regular thing, along with a regular highlighting of how weird I am, and exaggerating things to make me seem like I'm a horrible person. And everyone just seems to gravitate towards her compared to me, so I have no chance. And all the rest of my friends seem to be disappearing now that we've all moved on to different places. So yeah, sorry, I failed at the not making it depressing, but I feel a bit better having let it out :) Love, as always, Emily x

Leggings: fashion win or a crime against society?

Hey guys :) sorry that I haven't blogged on here in a while, uni's been keeping me pretty busy. The topic of this blog, as you can see from the title, is legging.. So basically, and I apologise for this, I intend to spend the next while ranting about them. Basically, I don't like leggings. I mean, they can be acceptable to wear, but only if you're a toddler wearing them (like I used to), or if you're wearing them under a skirt, like as warmer tights. Here are the reasons why I don't like them: 1. Leggings are not a substitute for trousers people.. You may wear them under a skirt, or a long tshirt at least, but when you wear just then and a short tshirt or a hoodie, it's just weird. 2. Don't people realise that they show off all the lines of their underwear, it looks awful. 3. You know when you're wearing leggings and you complain that you're cold.. Yeah, that's because it's almost winter, and leggings are so thin I fail to understand how you think you could possibly be warm wearing them. It's so annoying. 4. Why do people think that leggings are appropriate clothing to do P.E. in.. They're see through people, don't you realise.. So when you're practising doing P.E. for with primary school children, where you have to make shapes on the floor or whatever, it's so awkward and embarrassing foe everyone around you, and it should be for you too. Rant over.. Sorry if I've offended anyone, but these are my thoughts on the matter, and I hope society soon sorts itself out by coming around to see the truth in them. Love you guys though :) Emily x

Phantom of the Operaaaaaaa

Hi guys, short blog post to tell you about the most awesome of evenings in the history of the earth ever.. As you can probably guess from the title, I went to see The Phantom of the Opera tonight, and it was beyond amazing. I shall give a few reasons (bear in mind these are the reasons once the superficial ones, like just its general awesomeness, have been omitted, if I included them I could go on forever): 1. The singing: it is just incredible how a person can reach that high a note and sustain it, don't even comprehend how it's possible, it's breathtaking (for me, as well as the performers - aha, pun). It just completely entrances you, encapsulates you in the performance. 2. The orchestral music: in my opinion, it is the music of something that can make or break a drama (be it a live show, a film, a TV series), and in this it certainly plays it's part, being the driving force behind the entire thing. The music is just so hauntingly beautiful it almost brought a tear to my eye (and that takes a lot, trust me), it builds tension absolutely perfectly and sets the mood of the characters and the scene so accurately that it foreshadows the events of the next following scene when it's hardly begun. It creates personalities for the characters and fits so well with the events of the story that they build each other up so that they're both so intertwined with each other that you could barely draw the line between the drama and the music of it. 3. The dancing/general flowing movements around the stage: it is just enchanting, the gracefulness of the dancers, and I was constantly amazed at how they can dance with such energy yet still have enough breath left to sustain such high, beautiful notes. 4. The special effects/scene changes: in films I can understand how they can use special effects to build things, the way in which they can edit the transition between scenes out of the final cut, but this was a live performance, no edits. That's what amazed me so much about it, the way that the scene changes did not interrupt the flow of the performance, but instead built it up. And the way in which the special effects, which basically had to rely on surround sound/sound effects, lighting, and an extremely talented tech person/people, added so much to the performance and made things so brilliantly realistic. 5. The storyline: it is just mesmerising, from the offset you feel such emotional attachment to the characters that it's like you feel the entire performance, can see everything from each different character's point of view. I'll not give the plot away for those who haven't seen it, but I strongly recommend.. no, insist that you go to see it at some point. You will not regret it, it is just spectacular. Emily x

Best Friends, Boy Friends, No Friends

As you can probably guess from the title, today I'm trying to reach into my heart and actually write something meaningful for one. If I manage, feel privileged, I'm not very in touch with my emotions, I mainly just feel indifferent about everything. But here goes.. :)

No Friends

I'll start here cause it makes sense to start at the beginning, as this is what my life used to be like. Primary school was good, there were hardly any girls in my year, so we were all automatically friends, but when I went up to high school, I had to learn how to make friends, and I wasn't very good at that. I spent my first five years there going from friendship group to friendship group, never feeling like a fitted in properly in any of them except for maybe one person in each group who tolerated me. I found minor stability around mid high school in a best friend I made, but I became friends with her to the exclusion of others and lost all my other friends who I was actually started to make. When she got a boyfriend, I was left on my own with no friends. That's when one of my best friends stepped in (I say that despite the fact that we stopped speaking almost a year ago, but I still regard him as one of my best friends as he was the first person who truly, properly cared about me, the one who picked me up and dusted me down and made me smile again). He told me that his friends were my friends, and that I could hang around with them as long as a wanted. I became one of 'the guys' and I loved it, we'd spend our weekends playing rugby or rounders or sometimes a combination of both in the park. But as we reached our final year of high school everything changed, I was in none of their classes, they made friends with other girls, we stopped talking as much and some of us fell out with each other, and I was once again left looking for friends. I'll get to that part of the story later, don't worry it gets great soon :)

Boy Friends

I say this in two senses: boyfriends, and boys who are friends. The first area I know nothing about but what I've observed with my friends over the years. How I see it is that they're more hassle than is worth. They get in the way of friendships, they turn me from the best friend into an agony aunt, patching up every fall out or break up, and I hate that. They quote stupid cliched songs to make girls go crazy for them and make people so happy that they're unbearable to be around cause there comes a point where you can listen to them being spoken about no longer. I feel really awkward around couples, especially when they are all PDA, they don't realise how uncomfortable it makes it for other people. Then there's friends who are boys. Boys make great friends. Why? You can truly be your weird, disgusting self around them, they just find you funny and love you for it. They're great listeners, you can tell them anything, and they give amazing advice. They are good at cheering you up as they see the funny side of everything and make you do the same. And they give great hugs, the kind of hugs that, for that brief moment, make you feel safe, as though nothing could ever hurt you, and I love that <3

Best Friends

What would I do without them?! Truth is I have no idea, they're amazing. I found my group of best friends in my last year of high school. We were friends before, but when I really got to know them I realised how alike we really were/ they showed me the weirdo of a person that I actually am :D best friends are the family we choose for ourselves, the people who don't judge us for how insane we secretly are, and who don't judge you when you demonstrate your ability to eat twice as much as is humanly possible. They're the ones whose houses you make yourself too comfortable in. You can talk endless nonsense to them, or sit in complete silence yet it won't be awkward (that's the true test of friendship haha). They make fun of you when you act stupid, and often when you act normal too. They send you texts every day saying good morning (sometimes they even text that in the afternoon, cause it's hilarious), so that you wake up and find them on your phone and start the day smiling. You could spend all day, every day with them and never get bored, and your inside jokes will be too many to count. It's for these reasons that I love my best friends more than I can say, they give my life meaning <3 thankyou so much for being just so amazing :D much love <3 <3

Emily x

Why, 'Blogger', I am NOT A ROBOT!!

So I guess you're wondering why this is what I have titled my post (perhaps). If not, then tough, I'm going to explain it anyway :p

Upon trying to comment on my friends' blogs, before it posts, it comes up with that crazy letter-y number-y think which I have to type to "prove I am not a robot". So I shall list why I'm not (r am not aware I am) a robot.

1. I cry at things. Like, not films and books an things that a normal being should (which probably counts against me) but, like, when I'm sad, or miss my friends, or am just so annoyed at you 'Blogger'. And, with the exception of The Bicentenial Man (eurgh), robots don't have emotions.

2. I have a heart, and a soul. Not that I've physically seen either, but I'm hoping that I do aha :)

3. I have friends, robot's don't.

4. I am not made out of metal or synthetic material or anything remotely robot-y, I am 100% real homo sapien.

5. I have hopes and dreams for the future. Which, again with the exception on The Bicentenial Man, robots do not.

6. I have a cold, robot's don't have colds, just perhaps the odd minor malfunction or meltdown hehe :)

7. Robot (type things) have been on Doctor Who, I haven't (WHY CRUEL WORLD, WHY?!)

8. I like cheese, robots don't like cheese, they can't eat, stupid 'Blogger'.

9. If I were a robot, then people would most likely be scared of me, and avoid me when I'm out in public, which they don't (some of the time).

10. Lastly, 'Blogger', as you're a webpage, online, something on the computer, you're way more close than me to being a robot. So there, point made, case closed, NOW STOP HARASSING ME YOU PARANOID AND JUDGEMENTAL BEING.

So to anyone who may post on this blog (a girl can dream), I wish you luck and just want you to know that I feel your pain <3

Emily x

Why, this evening, I am hating on the world :)

1. It is a public holiday tomorrow, which everyone but Edinburgh Uni seems to have off. Meaning, while everyone else is having lie-ins, I'll be in my first proper uni lecture.

2. As tomorrow's a public holiday, no buses are running to or from Ratho all day, meaning I have to ask my mum to give me a lift to get a bus elsewhere.

3. MyEd (Edinburgh's website to tell you everthing about your course/lectures/assignments etc.) is the most complicated thing ever.

4. It's exhausting trying to make new friends, I miss my old ones.

5. I've wanted to do teaching at Ednburgh for 11 years, yet no-one today ased me how Freshers had gone, they all instead asked my friend who only decided to do it a year ago so she got the joy of telling them (not bitter or anything haha).


Nevertheless, Freshers week got better and better as the week went on, met lots of lovely people, and I'm now watchng Merlin, which makes me very happy :) <3

Emily x

kjfobeblkzsm (The Sound of Panic)

Quick blog post, basically to vent the assortment of emotions going on.

So, tomorrow, I start uni. Well, technically Freshers, but I still have to start meeting people and making friends, and I'm TERRIFIED. I am NOT this old already, I can't be?! Don't get me wrong, this is, like, all my dreams come true considering how I've wanted to be a teacher since I was seven, but there's something about the looming inevitability of it that makes me doubt every aspect of my being (wondering if this is at all relatable, or if it's just me). At least one of my friends is doing the course, so I'm not quite alone in this blind panic and confusion.

This is how I think people at uni will probably end up seeing me (tbh, I can understand why if they do haha):

So here's my plan of action:

• Join the CU and go to as many of their Freshers events as possible (yes, I'm a Christian, commence the hate comments haha)
• Try to still be myself, and hope that people like me for who I am (cheesy, yeah, but it's a piece of advice my friend gave me and showed me that it was important)
• Keep BREATHING.

In a few weeks' time I'll probably laugh at how scared I am now, I'll realise it was stupid.. I hope at least.

But, for now, no matter how daunting life seems, I'll keep smiling, because, really, that's all I can do :)

Love, Emily x

The ramblings of an accidental blogger.

So, thanks to my lovely friends (still debating whether that's supposed to be sarcastic or not), I have been convinced to create a blog even though I am yet to fully understand the concept of blogging (and created a blog quite by accident while commenting on that of another person). I will most likely use it to blurt out all my crazy ramblings and views on life as I venture into the mysterious unknown that is adulthood.

Though made accidentally while trying to post on my friend's blog, I'm actually quite excited about this, it's like a more fun version of a journal. The other day I made a decision, I want to make my mark on the world, so that my achievements in life won't simply die with me one day. I don't know how yet, but I want to spend my life helping others and be known for that, I want to change lives, even if only by doing something as small as making someone smile. This can be my foothold on the world, my name is now out there, on the internet, not changing lives, but the only way on from this moment is forward :)

If I haven't bored you to death with this post, I will find time to keep updating you on what I hope are the interesting events in my life (in between watching Merlin and Harry Potter of course, I must keep my priorities straight).

Much love, Emily x